I have tried to see myself through his eyes for the last couple of days and things have changed. I actually feel sexy. I had been reading about all my blogging friends having boudoir and pin up photos taken which is something I have wanted to do for years do, but because it isn't in our budget right now, I took my own! I gathered up my sexiness and courage, set up our tripod in the bedroom, and clicked away. They may not look professional, but they made me realize that I really do look sexy. Yes, I am still technically obese, but I look okay. Those photos, along with your loving support, have given me to courage to keep on trying... despite the scale saying I am gaining. If I give up now... then I'll gain weight and be unhealthy. If I keep going, I may not lose... but I won't be any worse off than I am now. Chances are, I'll be better off. So I must keep at it. {Even if that lying cheating scale doesn't agree!}
Here are your amazing comments that just MADE MY DAY! Since I have our little one and a puppy now... I haven't had time to respond to you all. I would like to do that now. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my ramblings and give me your feedback. Each of you literally keeps me going. I was so ready to give up after that post when the scale made it all the way back up to 220lbs from my 215 a couple weeks ago. Then I read your comments...
Kelly, from Crouching Mother, Hidden Toddler, said " just absolutely love your blog. you have inspired me to feel better about myself and want to DO better for both by hubby AND for me. Great job on all the weight you lost. You look absolutely fantastic. No wonder your hubby thinks your a hotty ;) ...hopefully some of your successful attitude will rub off on me!"
I am so glad you want to do better for yourself. Thank you so much for your compliments. I definitely notice a difference, but sometimes it is hard to see myself as a "hotty". My heart smiled when I read your comment. I hope I can help to inspire you with my further posts. I definitely have something to strive for now.
Maria, from Bravo After Dark said, " Your blog is beautiful and a great inspiration {...} You already seem to have the best of everything :)"
Thank you so much Maria! I never really thought of myself as an inspiration, but it seems I am being called to be one. I think it's a good thing. The responsibility of it will give me the accountability that I need. I'm not sure if I have the best, but I will tell you one thing. I have the best husband. This man I married is the most loving and supportive person I have ever met in my life. I certainly lucked out in finding him.
The mom and daughters of Smash Bravo, from Sammy Makes Six said, "I am in love with your blog, I think you are fantastic, beautiful and oh so brave. You've put in perfect words the same things that I and so many other women go through, but most of us never admit this even to ourselves, much less the world. I can not wait to go through this journey with you, and maybe a bit of your strength and wisdom will rub off on me :)"
Brave? Wow, thank you! Readers told me I was brave to put my weight loss photos in bras and underwear up on the internet... I didn't think about it really. I figured it was more than some women wear to the beach. Ha! Well, I am so glad to have been able to be the voice for women out there. I know we all struggle with the same issues from time to time. I am so glad we can have each other for support and accountability through all this.
My dear friend Jenn, from Jenn's Journey, said "I could have written this post myself, but I lack the courage. I have been married for 15 years. {...} Today, my husband treats me like I am still that girl he married. He still sneaks a butt grab in the grocery store, or whistles when I walk by, and I have started telling him it makes me mad when he does that, because I don't see myself that way. I wish I did. I wish I could do all the things you said, but I can't. I don't see how he can find me attractive, if I don't find myself attractive. It is such a hard thing to change about ourselves. I would love to not care what other people think. I would love to not feel self-conscious all the time. I would love to be comfortable in my own skin."
Ah, Jenn. You are such an inspiration to me! I love reading your blog and seeing your successes even through the turmoil you face. I know you'll get to a point where you can feel about yourself the way your husband does... and soon. We'll get through this together.
Tree, from Mother of Pearl It Is, said" Yes you do, girl! It is hard to see yourself the way they see you. The hubby and I have been together 23 years, and he tells me I'm still as beautiful as when he met me...just a bit larger. LOL But, it makes such a difference to have someone that loves you for YOU, and not because you only weigh 100lbs. You are beautiful, and if you carry yourself that way...everyone including you will start to see it! ;)"
As always, Tree. You are so kind. You are so right about having someone who loves me for me. If it weren't for my husband, I don't think I would have been able to get through our pregnancy, birth, and weight loss afterward. You are also so right about carrying ourselves confidently. I had a friend in college who, after asking why men found me sexy when I was so overweight, told me, "I don't know what it is about you that is sexy, you just are. There is just something about you that exudes sexiness." I hold on to those words and the daily, loving words of my husband when I feel down about myself. I put my shoulders back, lift my chin, and carry on with my day... with maybe a sway to my walk if I am feeling sexy enough. lol
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