Saturday, August 21, 2010

Feeling Like a Failure

I am officially gaining back baby weight.  I am over where I was before becoming pregnant.  and.  it.  hurts.

I feel like a failure, but at the same time, I know it isn't my fault.  I found out, by accident and out of necessity, that crash dieting packs the pounds right back on and then some.  This is the very reason why I never diet.  I know I won't stick to it.  Hell, if I hadn't been going to the ER every 3 days with that chest pain, I wouldn't have even kept up with the low fat diet until my surgery.  I really felt like God was saying, you need to lose weight; your body is sick; and if you won't do it on your own, I'll make you do it!  But now the pain is gone, and I am right back to eating cheeses all day long.  (That's really the only thing I didn't have then and am having now.)

I was looking at my chart today and realized... two weeks ago I went over the first line... I am only a couple pounds from going over the second line which will put me back to where I was right after giving birth.  If I don't lose this week, I will be over that second line and less than 10lbs from where I was while pregnant.  How did I go from losing 23lbs to losing only 10?  From where I am today, I need to lose 3lbs a week until the end of the year (only 4 months away!) to reach my goal of 180lbs.

 That is not cool!  I feel horrible but have no idea what to do.  I could exercise more I guess, but obviously I am too busy or lazy to since I'm not doing more than 10 mins or so a day right now.  Last week I blamed the heat since we didn't have water for me to bathe in.  This week is my period and I am cramping too much to do aerobics.  Are those even valid excuses?  Arg!  I just don't know how to get that stupid butterfly (my weight loss ticker) moving back to the right again!

Should I just suck it up and do the low fat thing again?  I'm worried I'll be hungry and bitchy all the time and then gain it all back once I reach my goal... I don't know.  What do you think?  Extreme weight loss means extreme measures right?  Maybe I should work hard and diet.

I am hearing a lot about Weight Watchers from y'all, but I just can't make myself pay for something that I could do on my own.  I know if I eat lots of fruits and veggies, and less breads and fats that I will lose weight.  I know about portion control.  I just feel like I'll be paying someone to tell me what I already know...  How is it any different?

Maybe I should order one of those eating systems that sends you prepacked foods.  That way I don't have to guess about my foods or fix anything.  Just pop it in the oven or microwave and eat.  Anyone tried one of those?
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