Thursday, July 29, 2010

Big Changes In the Works

I have been thinking about several facts lately.
{So ashamed.}

I am fat.  Yes, this is a fact.  There is no getting around it.  In fact, I'm not really "fat" so much as obese.

I am not a good house keeper.  I would like everyone to think I am, but I'm not.  I'm lazy and I'd rather sit on the couch browsing blogs and design websites online than actually clean and design my home.  We still have a room completely full of crap from our last move.  It is so overwhelming that I have resolved to just do nothing.  I work on it maybe once a week for 30 mins or so.  I also hate doing dishes so much that I let them pile up in the sink over the course of several days.

I am not a very good wife.  I have been avoiding a physical relationship with my husband lately.  First I had postpartum depression, then my birth control was causing me to have no sex drive, but truthfully, I just don't want sex.  Lately, I find it messy and nothing else.  Furthermore, I don't take the time to give my husband the attention he deserves.  I don't rub or scratch his back which he adores; I don't linger when he hugs and kisses me; and I don't thank or compliment him when he more than deserves it.

I am not the best mom I can be.  I don't hold Little Bit for more than 20 minutes a day. Mostly I move him from chair, to bouncer, to exersaucer, to the floor for belly time.  He's fed himself since he was 2 months old so I don't even hold him to feed him.  I know he is a happy baby.  I feed him, bathe him, kiss him and hug him when I carry him around the house and put him down for naps and bedtime.  I just don't spend enough time cuddling him and talking to him like he so desperately needs right now.

So what am I going to do about it?
  • I am going to continue eating more fruits and vegetables and less fats and carbs.  I am also going to eat more lean meats since I tend to be tired and weak during the day.
  • I am going to get moving somehow, every day.  Even if all it means it a walk or bike ride.
  • I am going to keep up with my weight loss so that when I do gain I can look at my trends over time and know that it will go back down.  I truly do think menses causes actual weight gain.  I went from 2lbs over to 1lb under when my period ended.
  • I am going to keep up with laundry on Mondays and Thursdays.
  • I am going to keep up with dishes as soon as they enter the sink instead of letting them sit for a couple days and pile up.
  • I am going to vacuum and clean the bathroom once a week.
  • I am going to straighten the living room each night before going to bed and clean it once a week before our company comes on Saturdays.
  • I am going to work on the den, unpacking boxes and putting things away, at least three times a week.  First is going through all my clothes and sorting them into "donate", "keep", "toss", and "salvage for fabric" piles.
  • I am going to make time in my day to stop whatever I am doing and give that time and energy to my husband.
  • I am going to continue to kiss him every morning before he leaves for work, but do it mindfully and slowly.
  • I am going to thank him and give him the appreciation he deserves for providing for this family and loving us so deeply.
  • I am going to "think sexy thoughts" throughout the day so I am more apt to accept my husband's loving advances when he comes home.
  • I am going to rub/scratch his back every night before bed and talk about about our days so we can reconnect physically and emotionally.
  • DH and I have decided that I will no longer take hormonal birth control.  Hopefully this will help bring back my sex drive, allow me to continue losing weight, and keep feeling better about myself.
  • I am going to hold LB more, at least an hour a day.
  • I am going to talk to him more and make a point to explain what is going on around him, no matter how much I would rather not carry on a one way conversation.
  • I am going to sit down the DH and LB each night to listen to them read together.
 {Getting happier and healthier by the day!}
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