Friday, December 31, 2010

Pregnancy Update

First of all, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.  They helped immensely.  At 0300 last night I began having contractions about 2 minutes apart.  By 0330 they were 30 seconds apart and at 0340 I miscarried my fourth pregnancy.  It wasn't as painful physically as it was emotionally because I re-lived my last two miscarriages and at the same time feared for the next pregnancy.  I prayed that it would be over soon and within five minutes it was.  I am doing well today.  I went back to the ER for a pelvic exam and all looks well so far.  I will go in on Monday to the OB/GYN to have an ultrasound and full pelvic to make sure it was a complete miscarriage.  I am 99% sure it was because of what I felt at the end.  I couldn't bear to look so I had DH take care of it for me.

In the next couple of days I will be working on new goals for 2011 since my last set of goals are no longer relevant.  I will also likely shed several pounds this week from water, blood, and tissue loss.  Not everything about this is negative though.  I have the opportunity to continue losing weight now which will make for a much healthier pregnancy next time around, and of course, a much healthier me.  It will also allow me more time to prepare emotionally for another baby.  This trip down to Texas showed me just how stressed out I am and I do not think my mental condition would have allowed me to be the best mom I could be to Little Bit and Pumpkin at the same time.

I will be putting my pregnancy blog on hold but I will not be deleting it.  I'll be coming back to it next time we are expecting since I believe that a pregnancy is a pregnancy, despite which fetus is growing into a baby.  I don't know if this baby will be waiting to meet me in the end, or if it will be coming back to me as the next pregnancy, but either way, it is not lost.

I'll be back to normal posting in a few days I bet.  I am still a bit sad, as to be expected, but because I can see the positives in this miscarriage, I am healing much faster than before.  I know God was in this plan.  See you soon, and thanks again for your loving support.
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