I was talking with a friend today about the fear that paralyzes me in life. A couple years ago I was almost arrested for something I didn't know I had done. The charges were dropped because they turned out to be bogus, but the fear from that situation, sitting in a room all alone thinking I would be in jail when my husband left for 8 months of basic and advanced training, has crippled me since. That day, I lost my confidence and have yet to find it again.
I am constantly gripped by fear,
a fear of doing things wrong, of messing up, of making others angry at me, of failing. I was discussing this with a friend of mine today and this is what he said when I expressed that I felt stupid all the time.
"Fear is an emotional response. Wisdom is the learned ability to recognize and control fear."
- Tyler Tidwell
I feel as if that amazing, outward, loving, confident, intelligent woman I once was has been stolen. All of a sudden, everything I do is wrong. I'm not smart anymore. I don't know how to do math; I don't know simple every day conversions; I know nothing about history or politics. I didn't forget all those things, they must still be in my mind somewhere, but the fear has pushed them away.
I feel like a scared, helpless child... and folks, as a child I never felt that way. I was always brimming with confidence, even to a fault. I was one of those kids that knew everything, and if I didn't, you can bet I would find out and report back to you with an air of confidence that would make you question if you really knew the answer to begin with.
Where did that person go? Is she still in me somewhere? I struggle with this daily. I think I need to find the answer to this question to know for sure:
If I am in fact not stupid but have become more wise, then how do I separate this fear of failure from my wisdom? How do I know when the fear ends and the wisdom to keep quiet begins?
I really don't know, but I found some quotes to help. I hope if you are living in fear that they will help you too.
